How I Handle Negative Behaviors Picked Up From School
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Rather listen? Here’s a link to this episode on my podcast!
It’s super common for kids to see problematic behaviors at school + want to try them out at home. They are trying to process what they observed + test out your boundaries. Here’s how I address in the moment!
Two things before I share what works for us:
1. In our home, we talk daily about the concept of choices. This is a big theme in our conversations and it springboards so many helpful conversations related to personal and social situations.
2. My kids regularly come home and let us know what other children do in school. So we have a good grasp on the names of kids in their class + who often does what, lol.
Here’s what I do when I notice that my child may be re-enacting a behavior or phrases from someone at school:
1. Draw their awareness to the behavior.
In the moment, with curiosity + love, I try to draw their awareness to what they’re doing.
I will say something like, “I notice you’re doing XYZ. I haven’t seen you do that before (or in a long time). Do you notice that too?”
2. Ask directly, “Did you see someone do this at school?”
I discuss it very directly. I want to help them understand that they are picking up this behavior from someone else.
Often, they will reply, “Yes…” and tell me a story of what they saw. Then I do the next two things so that it’s a teaching moment…
3. Thank them for sharing.
I want my kids to continue to feel safe telling me what goes on in the classroom so I try to be mindful of my reactions (very hard to do!) and not come across as judgmental.
“Thanks for letting me know what you saw him/her do. It makes sense you wanted to come home and try that out too.”
4. Empower them to make their own choices.
I help them notice the impact of the behavior on others + why/how to make a different choice.
Another theme we often discuss is leadership. I empower my girls to be leaders who strive to make helpful/positive choices (vs. following others’ negative choices).
I will say, “You may see him/her do that but you’re a leader. You get to choose how to act.”
In summary:
- Draw their awareness to the behavior.
- Ask directly – “Did you see this at school?”
- Promote connection and safety by thanking them for sharing honestly.
- Empower them to make their own choices.
Want More Support?
Download my free ebook: Your 3-Step Plan When Your Child Gets Angry or Aggressive
This ebook is going to give you the tools you need to:
- Understand the psychology of anger so that you can see your child and their emotions clearly (especially in the heat of the moment)
- Learn about the levels of emotional dysregulation so that you can tailor your responses and be more effective
- Have a clear 3-step plan based on your child’s level of dysregulation so you can stop feeling flustered, triggered and helpless during your child’s angry outbursts
- Bonus printable checklists to help you stay more present, calm, and patient in the heat of the moment
Visit themompsychologist.com/ebook to download the e-book for free!
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