Would it surprise you if I said that you should start discipline now, even if your child is an infant? In this blog, I’m going to break down how and when you should start positive discipline practice, and how to use positive discipline with your child and what it looks like.

What does discipline mean? How is discipline different from punishment?

Discipline commonly gets mixed up with punishment. Punishment means the infliction of or imposition of a penalty as retribution of or for an offense.

Discipline means to teach and guide through instruction and training, which is what we do as parents. We naturally want to teach our children new skills, teach them how to make good choices, and teach them right from wrong. 

How do I use positive discipline with my baby, toddler, or child?

So when we talk about positive discipline, it means to teach. When we become parents, we become our child’s first teachers. So what do teachers do when they want to teach their students a new skill? There’s a certain process that has to happen. 

First, they might introduce the skill. They might provide some backstory or an introduction to the topic to explain why it’s important and why they should learn this. They have to get their students to buy in so they understand this is why we should work hard on this skill. 

Then they have to model that skill for their students. They have to teach them how to do it and show them through action, training, and modeling exactly how to do it through clear, easy directions. The teacher also has to give their student the appropriate environment and tools so they can practice. 

And while their students are practicing, the teacher is guiding them and praising their efforts. They’re cheering them on. They’re answering their questions. There’s this whole process to it before a student becomes a master of whatever they’re trying to learn. 

And that’s the same approach that we as parents should have. 

When we want to teach our children a new skill (and remember positive discipline = teaching), we need to take the following steps:

your toddler, model how to pick up the trash, and teach your toddler why it’s important to pick up our trash. Try saying: 

• “It’s important to pick up our trash so people don’t slip on it and it doesn’t cause a mess or get in our way. This is where trash goes. It doesn’t go on the floor. It goes here.” 

You’re educating your child and getting their buy-in. And then you’re modeling it for your child. This can look like:

• “I’m going to pick up some trash. Trash goes here. I’m going to pick this up and put it over here. Oh, look at me go!”

Then you’re going to teach how to do it in small steps, which could look like this:

• You walk with your toddler to the trash.
• You point to the trash and tell your toddler, “Pick it up, please.”
• When your toddler picks it up, you say, “Yay!” as a sign of encouragement.
• Then, holding your toddler’s hand, you walk them to the trash and tell them, “Drop it in the trash can.”
• When your toddler drops it in the trash, say “Yay!” so you’re praising and encouraging them. You’re getting excited and celebrating the wins. You’re making it fun. 

This would be a simple breakdown of how to teach your toddler how to do chores.

It’s the same concept for anything we want our child to learn: whether it’s problem-solving, communicating their feelings, keeping their hands to themselves or looking at something and not touching it. 

We have to go through this process with them to teach them that new skill. That’s positive discipline. 

When do I start disciplining my baby, toddler, or child?

You started during infancy. If you think about it, we’re already telling our child through our messages, through our verbal and nonverbal communication, what we like and what we don’t like. So why not start to be intentional? 

Around 8 or 9 months, you can start teaching your child what you like and what you don’t like. You can start the positive discipline process by modeling appropriate behavior and guiding your child through modeling and boundaries. Boundaries are really the highest form of love. 

It can be a little intimidating to think about implementing boundaries with your infant, but our children thrive off of structure and boundaries. Just like how we put up baby gates, those are boundaries to let them know where they can go and where they can’t.

We want to also implement boundaries in the relationship so they know where they can go and where they can’t. It’s like psychological baby gates. 

What does positive discipline look like for an infant, toddler, or child?

Remember, what we pay attention to is powerful as parents.

You’re also going to redirect their behavior and slow down. And what you’re doing is guiding them through what is appropriate and what is not in a loving and developmentally appropriate way in language and behaviors they can understand. 

Positive discipline is teaching.

If you’re looking for a deeper dive, want to know more about positive discipline, and how to get started with it, check out my FREE workshop, How to Get Your Kids to Listen Without Yelling. We’ll work through positive discipline and setting consequences with intention and respect.

Rooting for you,

Dr. Jazmine

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