Change and transitions can make us all feel stressed, even if it’s an exciting change, like starting a new school. It can still bring a lot of fears and anxiety. So it’s important to understand how you can best support your child as they deal with and cope with change. Let me share with you 8 tips I have to help your child or toddler deal with change, stress, or transitions.

#1: Process and explore your own anxiety around the change or transition.

Try your best to feel confident about the change or transition. And that comes with preparing ourselves for the change and then preparing our little ones for the change. But it’s so important to realize that little ones can sense if we’re feeling nervous, anxious, or scared about change.

If they sense that we’re nervous, they’re going to walk into the new situation feeling afraid too. And we don’t mean for it to be this way, but it’s important to realize that and manage it. It’s okay for you to feel nervous, but do your best to not present in a way that transfers to your child. 

With any change – whether it’s a new sibling, a new job, a new work schedule, a new school, or a new home – make sure you process out your feelings, your anxieties, your worries, your sadness, and grief because of the change and then help your child do the same.

You want your child to understand it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling, but it’s important that we talk about it to help our children deal with the new transition or change.

#2: Start the conversation early with your child about the change or transition.

As soon as you sense change is on the horizon, you want to start making plans to discuss it with your child. You want to give them time to mentally prepare for the change. 

Depending on the situation, we don’t always have this luxury, but when you do, take it.

#3: Invite your child to ask questions about the change or transition.

And when they ask questions, try your best to answer them openly and honestly. And if you don’t know the answer to their questions, say something like…

• “Wow, that’s such a great question. I’m so glad you asked. Let’s go find the answer together.”
• “You know what? I’m going to do some research. And as soon as I know, as soon as I get some more information, you’re going to be the first person I tell.”

#4: Let your child know what to expect with the change.

So along the same lines of starting that conversation and answering their questions, you want to walk them through the process. For example, if your child is starting a new school, you want to let them know what to expect in terms of the new routine, their teacher, and the new environment. 

If you’re going to move, then you want to let them know what to expect when it comes to your new home, where it is, and what it’s going to look like. You can also look at pictures together and discuss things like: 

• New things to do in the new city
• Fun things they can do in your new home (e.g., gardening, taking walks, playing in the backyard, etc.)
• How they might want to decorate their new room and/or playroom 

#5: Read children’s books about change or transition.

I have a lot of book recommendations on various topics for you here. I also have a book review for toddler anger management you can check out.

#6: Get your child involved with the change or transition as much as possible.

You want to get your child involved. It helps kids feel mentally prepared and more in control of their environment when they’re an active participant in the change. This will help children feel mentally prepared when they feel like they’re an active participant. It’s not something that’s happening to them, but they’re a part of it.

So if it’s starting a new school, maybe they can…

• Get involved in packing up their new backpack with all kinds of things
• Add a comfort item into their backpack that’s just for school
• Make a photo album of their favorite photos they can look at school if they want to

You want to ask yourself…

• “How can I get them involved? What might they enjoy doing?”
• “How can I keep them involved so that this is happening with them, not to them?”

#7: Stick to your routine as much as possible.

I know when there is change happening, it is very easy for our routines to slip up. We’re doing the best we can, and we might be in survival mode. 

But I want as much as you can stick to those routines because that helps your child feel safe since they can predict what’s happening in their environment. They’re less likely to feel out of control if there is some predictability and stability in their environment. 

The two routines you want to try to stick to as much as possible are their sleep schedule and eating schedule. You want to keep these as consistent as possible. Your screen routine is another great routine to keep consistent if you can.

Of course, things happen, and that’s okay. We’re stressed often when we’re going through changes. But keep these routines in mind, especially if you are experiencing a lot of behavioral issues, big feelings, aggressions, or not listening. You want to ask yourself…

• “How are the routines? Can I be more consistent in a certain area?”
• “How have I been doing in terms of keeping their environment stable and predictable?”
• “Is my child getting enough sleep and consistent, healthy meals?”

And so you want to keep their routines as predictable as possible to help lessen these behavioral issues from transitions and changes.

#8: Expect your child to have big feelings and grieve the loss of what has changed.

They don’t have all the skills that adults have to process change and work through it because their brains are still developing. And so I want you to expect your child will have big feelings, that they’ll push back, that they’ll grieve, or that they’ll struggle in some way. 

Remember, behavior is just their form of communication. 

If your child is struggling with behavioral issues, know they’re doing the best that they can to communicate to you that something’s not right. They might be feeling anxious or scared or nervous or tense or unsure of what the future is going to hold and what it’s all going to look like. So as much as you can, validate that and accept it. Tell them…

• “It’s okay to feel nervous. And it’s going to take some time to adjust, and that’s okay. I’m right by your side through this.” 

One of the key points I cover is how to help calm your child’s intense feelings and teach emotional intelligence. So if your child is struggling with coping with change, my course can help you!

Rooting for you, 

Dr. Jazmine

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