I’m going to be talking about how to get rid of pacifiers. And really though these tips are kind of generalized to preparing your child for change in general. I think a lot of these will apply to general transitions, but I’m going to be specifically talking about getting rid of pacifiers in a gentle, but also quick way, because I don’t think that this process needs to take months and months, and months and months. It can be done fairly quickly, but it can also be done in a way that is respectful and gentle for your child and in a way that is really prepares them. And that’s the whole hallmark of what I’m going to be talking about is how we can prepare our child for a change.

So let’s get into it. And if you guys are new here, I’m Dr. Jazmine, by the way, I’m a clinical psychologist. I’m also a mom of two little girls and my oldest had a pacifier. So I know all about getting rid of the pacifier and she actually didn’t get rid of her pacifier till two. And I’ll talk about why my rationalization, my reasoning, I guess I should say around why we chose that time to get rid of pacifier.

So I’ll share my story and experiences a little bit later, but let’s get into like, when should you get rid of pacifiers. Ideally in a perfect situation, you would get rid of them when they are an infant around six or seven, just because the younger, they are the less likely they’re going to get super attached to the pacifier. And the harder it’s going to be for them the more they’re attached. So, ideally it’s around six or seven months, but when it comes to, when is the absolute cutoff of pacifiers. When should you stop allowing them to have a pacifier it’s anywhere between two and four and it’s because of their dental structure.

So dentists will recommend, between two and four, you need to really be thinking about getting rid of the pacifiers once and for all. And so I say though, around toddlerhood like when they’re starting to communicate and talk with you, I would start putting parameters around pacifier use. Because I noticed like, I don’t know about you, but it was annoying when my child was trying to communicate and talk, but she had a pacifier in her mouth. I’m like no, I don’t want this to interfere with your communication. I want to be able to understand you as best as I can. 

So we need to set limits around this. And so I start really clear limits around when she could have the pacifier and when she couldn’t and she could have it at bedtime, anytime she was sleeping. So sometimes that was in the car. Sometimes we would bring it for travel nap time and bedtime, where the only time she was able to have it. And during the day we put the pacifier away. So that is where I would start. So if your child is on the older end and they’re starting to communicate, I would absolutely start thinking about putting parameters around when they can use it and when they can’t. 

And then also simultaneously you want to start thinking about and getting them thinking about other objects that they have at bedtime at sleep time that offer comfort. That are not their pacifier. So getting really intentional about it, pointing it out, maybe buying other things that they can have that will bring them comfort. 

And then the other thing that you want to do a couple, I would say a couple months at most, so you don’t want to start getting them ready for the transition too much ahead of time. This it’s not going to stick. They’re not going to remember it. They’re going to be like what you keep talking about this change, but it’s not happening. So a couple months before you get ready for the transition, you can start introducing books, which I will include links to some really good books about, saying goodbye to the pacifier. 

So you can start preparing them in that way. And I think it’s getting really clear with yourself. Oftentimes it’s us parents that need to get ready for the change more than our little ones. So getting really clear, this is the cutoff date. This is the date in my schedule that we’re going to get rid of pacifiers, setting up a date, ideally. And then, if they’re on the older side, you can put it on the calendar, put a sticker on it, like you’re growing up. You’re getting to be a big girl now or a big boy now.

This is the day we’re going to say bye to work or pacifiers. Or you can say, this is the day that the pacifier fairy is going to come. You’re going to leave the pasteurizer under your pillow. And then morning, you’re going to wake up. The pacifiers will be gone and you’ll have a special prize or something just similar to a tooth fairy.

So you can set it up that way, but you want to start introducing that idea. So, and you want to get very clear when it’s going to happen for yourself, really. So you can prepare for the change. And I would say though, that you don’t want to start really, really, really talking about it and preparing them more than two weeks ahead of time.

It’s again, too far in advance. They’re not going to take it seriously. They’re going to forget. They’re going to think you’re not really serious. They’re going to think you’re anxious about it. It is like you keep talking about it, but it’s not happening. And remember, kids don’t really have a great sense of time. So there, it’s not going to make a lot of sense to them if it’s too far in advance.

So I would say like the week leading up to it is when you really want to start reading those books, really start talking about it and preparing them. And that’s where the respectful piece comes in, because we absolutely want to prepare them and make them feel empowered over this process, like it’s not just something that just happened and now they have to adjust.

No, you were prepared. You’re warmed up to this. And then the other thing is inviting them the day or couple of days before the big event, or when you’re going to say goodbye to the pacifiers, invite them to pick out a toy. That’s going to be their new bedtime toy. 

So either you can have them look at it on your phone. If you’re staying away from stores right now, or you can bring them to the store and invite them to pick out a special blanket or a special bedtime toys. So we had like there is like chase and it was a nighttime toy and he had a little flashlight in his hand and he made different, he said different things. And so that’s what my preschooler ended up picking out for her little toy. 

So you want to get them involved by and feel special and like feel excited about this by inviting them to pick out a new toy, that’s going to be their bedtime toy. Now this is not a general toy. It’s just strictly for the bed, just like the pacifier was. So it’s meant to replace the pacifier.

And so let me tell you a little bit about my own experience, getting rid of the pacifier and kind of, well, we did step by step. So just in case it inspires you, gives you some ideas. So like I said, my oldest one, we didn’t get rid of the pacifiers until around two. I forget exactly when, but it was around that time. So she was on the older side, but the reason we decided on this time was because she was 15 months when her sister was born. 

So, you don’t want to be springing on them too many changes all at once. And I knew that this was going to be a big change for everybody. And so, three months before her sister was coming, she was around 12 months. And I guess we could have got rid of it during infancy. And that would have been the other best case scenario, I guess, is to get rid of it around that mark that’s between six to nine months. 

But we did it, which whatever. So, around that time where it was like, we should be starting to think about getting rid of it. A big change was coming. So we decided to hold off. And so around two was when we were like this is a good time. And that’s what I want to say about. Preparing your child for change is making sure it’s a good time for them making sure it’s a good time for you. Good time for the family in general. So the general rule is not to spring on them too many changes all at once. So three months before a big change is going to happen in three months after is a good buffer time to prepare them. 

And again, being careful not to overload them with too much going on. So if you have big things coming up, like moves, a new job, a new schedule, new sibling, any big other big changes in the family, like be mindful of that. And I would say that would be my same typical advice for if you were going to get rid of other things like diapers and start potty training, make sure there’s not too much going on around that time. Because again too, we’re not going to be, we’re not as parents get to feel ready when there’s so much going on in our kid is not going to feel ready. And that’s what I also want to talk about is how important our energy is to this process. 

That we want to be excited about this. We want to set the tone for this big change. And the way that we do that is by checking ourself. Because oftentimes we’re feeling more anxious about the change than our little ones are. And I’ll tell you what happened with my, with Julia. So she was around two years old when we decided to get rid of the pacifier. So we did all that preparation work in the beginning, which is similar to what I would say you do with any kind of big change where you book start talking about it, warm them up to it, plant those seeds. And then we had a goodbye ceremony.

So I invited her on that day that we picked out like today’s the day we’re getting rid of pacifiers no more. I invited her to throw them away herself. And the reason why I did that was because I one didn’t want to keep this a secret and just be like, Oh yeah, they’re all gone. Just poop and make her feel like it was all of a sudden she had no control over this.

She had no heads up. She had no warning and she had no power over it. And so I invited her to do that, to throw away the pacifiers. And to make it very concrete like, all right! We are no longer using pacifiers. You are a big girl. Now you are ready for this. I believe in you.

This is so exciting. And again, we had that backup toy or the replacement toy already ready to go. So we had the goodbye ceremony in the morning, not right before bed. You don’t want to do it right before bed because that’s, just in case, they have big feelings around it.

And let me just talk about the alternative. So in my case, she was fine. She was like bye pacifiers. I don’t think she really a hundred percent grasped it, but she was fine with it. She was like, okay, bye. I’m throwing them in the trash. And let’s talk about what, if your child does not like that.

And they have big feelings about it and they are not happy, dizzy, their pacifiers go. Well, what you would do is connect with them, validate their feelings, get down on their level, establish eye contact. Let them know that you understand and you get it. Like, yes, I know this is hard. Change is hard. It’s so sad to see our pacifiers go.

You’re a big boy. Now you’re a big girl now, but I know this is not easy for you. And then you can invite them to make a choice. And you can say like, okay, you have two choices. You can watch me throw them away or you can do it. Or you can do it yourself either way is fine with me.

And again, if they resist and they tantrum and they’re not for this goodbye ceremony. No worries! We don’t want to force them to do this process if they’re not ready. So then you just throw them away. But again, you’re doing it in front of them. There’s no secrets about it. It’s just is what it is.

And then of course, you’re soothing them again. This is not right before bedtime. So you have some time to calm them down. If that’s the case. Again, you’re reading the books and you’re doing all that other stuff to help them. You can talk about it during play and role play those different scenarios to again, further help them process it.

So we have the goodbye ceremony. And then at night time she had her replacement stuffed animal. And I think she asked me once or twice like, Oh, Where’s my pacifiers? About those pacifiers where they go. Oh yeah! I remember when we threw them away. No more pacifiers now. You’re a big girl now. And I think she needed like two reminders and it wasn’t a big deal. She was like, Oh yeah! That’s right. 

So it will take a little bit for them to adjust to the change. But again, I can’t stress this enough. Our energy is what matters the most. The way we show up to these things, these big changes and the way we set them up and prepare them.

And we’re excited about it. And we can focus on the good that’s going to come out of this change while also holding space for their big feelings is going to be major key. And again, no matter how much they push it back, it doesn’t mean we’re going to change the plan. So they can tantrum, but it doesn’t mean we’re going to be all okay. We will hold off. We won’t do it today. Because then you’re just further prolonging the process. So that’s why deciding on the day is really important because then it’s like no looking back, I’ve determined. You’re ready for this. This is a good time for our family. I’m ready for this.

And this is what’s going to happen just like with potty training. And just like with any other major milestones. We first want to make sure everybody’s ready and then once you make that decision go all in, you got this.

I hope these tips were helpful. Also check out the link in the description (of the YouTube video). Let me know if you guys have any other questions when it comes to weaning from pacifiers or anything else or just handling change. You can let me know in the comment section of the YouTube  I would love to make more videos about this because I think these are hard. These are hard times and it’s hard to navigate all these big changes for our little ones and make sure we’re doing it in a kind respectful way, but also holding up a boundary. So let me know if you have any other questions. 

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