Life changing lessons my mother taught me
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Rather listen? Here’s a link to the episode on my podcast.
I have learned more about parenting from my mother than any degree, research article, book, or lecture.
And so have you.
For better or worse, we are shaped by our relationships, especially those we have in childhood.
Yes, learning, unlearning, and relearning are important to our evolution but there’s no denying that our early experiences shape our worldview, identity, and choices for years to come.
Lately, the general parenting movement is about breaking generational cycles – parenting differently than how we were parented.
And – for the most part – I love this for us.
It prioritizes reflection, healing, and evolution.
But what about honoring the ways in which our parents *did* get it right?
I see very little about this.
As many of you know – I recently lost my mother to cancer. Her loss has shaken me to my core and caused me to reflect deeply on how I was parented and the legacy she leaves behind.
She wasn’t perfect (I don’t know why I feel the need to add this caveat as if any of us are, lol) but as my primary parent – parenting two children while working two jobs and putting herself through nursing school – I can whole-heartedly say she did her best. And her best was (way more than) good enough.
I hope in sharing the life changing lessons she’s instilled in me (just by being who she was) will inspire you to reflect on what your parents *did* get right.
No one is all bad (or all good). In reflecting on the good in others (especially our parents), we can see those good parts in ourselves.
Lesson #1: Everyone was born with a purpose
Growing up, my mother instilled in me this idea that I was born to live out my purpose. From an early age, she gave me the gift of an origin story.
“The doctors told me I couldn’t have any more children. They told me not to have any more kids. That it was too dangerous.”
Years prior to my birth, my mother almost died from an ectopic pregnancy. The doctors removed one of her fallopian tubes and warned her giving birth to another child was not only unlikely but highly dangerous.
Well, my mother, being the stubborn and head-strong woman that she was, decided to try any ways and here I am.
She would tell me, “Jazzie, you’re here for a reason. You’re here for a special purpose. I wasn’t supposed to have you.”
The truth is that we all are here for a purpose. This origin story is not just mine to behold, but all of ours if we take the invitation.
As parents, one of the most valuable things we can instill in our children is that they matter, they are special, and they are here on this Earth for a special purpose.
Our job is to affirm it. Their job to figure out what that purpose is.
So go on, tell your kids how proud you are of them today, and every day. Let them know they are here for a reason and that you’re here to cheer them on as they figure out their special purpose.
This is one of the biggest gifts we can give to our children.
Lesson #2: The power of open & honest communication
From as early as I can remember, my mother would come back to me after a tough moment and say, “I’m sorry. Can we start over? Can we have a good day?”
Sure, her behavior leading up to this moment wasn’t always the “best” or healthiest but as a child, I knew I could always count on her to circle back.
Over the years, I began to trust that no argument or disagreement could come in between us. We would eventually repair, reconnect, and move on.
Thanks to her, I learned:
- How to apologize to those we hurt.
- The power of repairing so that conflict doesn’t linger and sour the relationship.
- That it’s never too late to “have a good day.”
These lessons have made me a better wife, friend, sister, and mother.
Lesson #3: Travel and explore the world (even if it means doing it alone)
I was in middle school when my mother helped me get my first job. It started when she saw an ad in the paper about CPR classes (which promised to place graduates on a babysitter registry).
This was a pivotal moment in my childhood because it led to my first job as a babysitter for a child on the spectrum. This job (which I had for 10+ years) led to so many opportunities – one being the ability to save up for a trip to Europe.
As a single mother, our income growing up was extremely limited. But thanks to the fact that my mother knew one of the teachers at my middle school, we got a deal of a lifetime – $1,000 for a 10 day trip to Europe (flight, hotel & 3-day cruise included). The trip included visiting historical places including Rome, Venice, Florence, the Greek islands, & Turkey.
The only catch was I had to go with the school group on my own, without the comfort of family.
With the support of my mother, though, I courageously said, “Sign me up!”
I worked for months to save up and in the summer, I was off exploring another continent all by my pre-teen self.
I can’t say I would let my children do the same (lol) but that trip taught me so many valuable lessons including:
- Save up for what you want
- Immersing yourself in another culture (e.g., language, cuisine, history, traditions, etc) will forever change how you see the world (and your place in it).
- You’ll have a lot of experiences in your life but it’s hard to forget the memories you create while traveling
- Do what calls you – even if it means doing it alone
During one of our last conversations, she told me one of the places she always wanted to go to was Greece. Thinking about how she afforded me with the confidence and opportunity to go somewhere she only dreamed of is … bittersweet for sure.
This is your reminder to:
- Take that trip
- Tell your child how special they are today and every day
- Stop being afraid to apologize to your kids.
- Quit letting conflict linger – in parenting, your marriage or any relationship for that matter.
- Reflect on the good parts of your parents and the legacy you want to leave behind for your children.
And always remember, it’s never too late to have a good day. 😊
I love you mom.
Thanks for reading.
